This one is for all the women

[nybucknut]

I got this from a friend of mine, and it made my day, so I'm passing it on to all of you prepgirls.

All hair removal methods have tricked women with their
promises of easy, painless removal - The epilady,
scissors, razors, Nair and now...the
wax My night began as any other normal weeknight. Come
home, fix dinner, and play with the kids. I then had the
thought that would ring painfully in my mind for the
next few hours:
"Maybe I should pull the waxing kit out of the medicine
cabinet." So I headed to the site of my demise the
bathroom.
It was one of those "cold wax" kits. No melting a clump
of hot wax, you just rub the strips together in your
hand, they get warm and you peel them apart and press
them to your leg (or wherever else) and you pull the
hair right off. No muss, no fuss. How hard can it be?
I mean, I'm not a Genius, but I am mechanically inclined
enough to figure this out.
(YA THINK!?!)
So I pull one of the thin strips out. Its two strips
facing each other stuck together. Instead of rubbing
them together, my genius kicks in so I get out the hair
dryer and heat it to 1000 degrees. ("Cold wax,"
yeah...right!) I lay the strip across my thigh.
Hold the skin around it tight and pull. It works! OK,
so it wasn't the best feeling, but it wasn't too bad. I
can do this! Hair removal no longer eludes me!
I amShe-rah, fighter of all wayward body hair and maker of smooth
skin extraordinaire.
With my next wax strip I move north. After checking on
the kids, I sneak back into the bathroom, for the
ultimate hair fighting championship.
I drop my panties and place one foot on the toilet.
Using the same procedure, I apply the one strip across
the right Side of my bikini line, covering the right
half of my *hoo-hoo* and stretching down to the
inside
of my butt cheek (Yes, it was a long strip)
I inhale deeply and brace myself.... RRRRIIIPPP!!!!
I'm blind!!! Blinded from pain!!!!.... OH MY
GOD!!!!!!!!!
Vision returning, I notice that I've only managed to
pull off half the strip.
OH NO! What have I done???!!! Another deep breath and
RRIIPP!!
Everything is swirly and spotted. I think I may pass
out...must stay conscious...Do I hear crashing drums???
Breathe, breathe...OK, back to normal.
I want to see my trophy - a wax covered strip, the one
that has caused me so much pain, with my hairy pelt
sticking to it. I want to revel in the glory that is
my triumph over body hair. I hold up the strip!
There's no hair on it. Where is the hair??? WHERE IS
THE WAX???
Slowly I ease my head down, foot still perched on the
toilet. I see the hair.
The hair that should be on the strip.
I touch. I am touching wax.
WHAT?! I run my fingers over the most sensitive part of
my body, which is now covered in cold wax and matted
hair.
Then I make the next BIG mistake...remember my foot is
still propped up on the toilet? I know I need to do
something. So I put my foot Down.
My LIFE FLASHES BEFORE ME!!!!!! I hear the slamming of
a cell door. *Hoo-hoo*?
Sealed shut! Butt?? Sealed shut!
I penguin walk around the bathroom trying to figure out
what to do and think to myself "Please don't let me get
the urge to poop. My head may pop off!" What can I do to
melt the wax? Hot water!! Hot water melts wax!!!
I'll run the hottest water I can stand into the bathtub,
get in, immerse the wax-covered bits and the wax should
melt and I can gently wipe it off, right???
WRONG!!!!!!!
I get in the tub - the water is slightly hotter than
that used to torture prisoners of war or sterilize
surgical equipment - I sit.
Now, the only thing worse than having your nether
regions glued Together is having them glued together
and
then glued to the bottom of the tub...in scalding hot
water. Which, by the way, doesn't melt cold wax.
So, now I'm stuck to the bottom of the tub as though
I had cement-epoxied myself to the porcelain!!
God bless the man who had convinced me a few months
ago to have a phone put in the bathroom!!!!!
I call my friend, thinking surely she has waxed
before and has some secret of how to get me undone. It's a
very good conversation starter -
"So, my butt and who-ha are glued together to the
bottom of the tub!"
There is a slight pause. She doesn't know any secret
tricks for removal but she does try to hide her laughter
from me. She wants to know exactly where the wax is
located, "Are we talking cheeks or hoo- ha?"
She's laughing out loud by now...I can hear her. I
give her the rundown and she suggests I call the number on
the side of the box.
YEAH!!!!! Right!! I should be the joke of someone
else's night.
While we go through various solutions. I resort to
scraping the wax off with a razor. Nothing feels
better then to have your girlie goodies covered in hot wax,
glued shut, stuck to the tub in super hot water and
then dry-shaving the sticky wax off!!
By now the brain is not working, dignity has taken a
major hike and I'm pretty sure I'm going to need
Post-Traumatic Stress counseling for this event.
My friend is still talking with me when I finally see
my saving grace.... the lotion they give you to remove
the excess wax. What do I Really have to lose at this
point?
I rub some on and OH MY GOD!!!!!!!
The scream probably woke the kids and scared the
dickens
out of my friend.
It's sooo painful, but I really don't care. "IT
WORKS!!
It works!!"
I get a hearty congratulation from my friend and she
hangs up.
I successfully remove the remainder of the wax and
then notice to my grief and despair.... THE HAIR IS STILL
THERE...ALL OF IT!!!!!!!!!!
So I recklessly shave it off. Heck, I'm numb by now.
Nothing hurts.
I could have amputated my own leg at this point.
Next week I'm going to try hair color... Now that's
funny ..

[orange-n-brown 365]

OMG THAT IS SO FUNNY!!!!!! It is wonderful to start my day with a laugh!!!

thanks for that!!!! I was sitting here in pain while reading and laughing at the same time the dog probably thinks I've lost it !!

[The Instructor]

Girlie Goodies?

That's a new one to me.

[Burg_Grad_77]

"Hoo ha"????

That's a new one on me. I'll have to try that one out on my wife. lol

Very funny, by the way. Thanks for the good laugh.

[tigermama]

[YOU'RE TIGER BAIT]

funny and great read, stick to the razor next time, is my advice.

[oak hill71]

[noreply66]

NICE



Glad I have my depends on

[mustang_lvr]

[orange-n-brown 365]

gotta keep this alive its too good not too

[valleyfan07]

Oh my god!!!! I thought I wrote this!
It is good to know there is someone else out there with my kind of misfortune!

Thanks for the laugh!!

[sportsfanatic85]

Sorry for your misfortune, but that was hilarious!

[clevelandbrowns#1]

That is hilarious!!!

[orange-n-brown 365]

needed another good laugh glad this got up to the top again

[jeepgirl_4life]

This is hysterical!!!!!!!!!!!!! I couldn't wait to forward it to some friends. THANKS FOR THE LAUGH!!!

[jeepgirl_4life]

A little old lady goes to the doctor and says, "I can’t stop passing gas. Luckily, my farts don’t smell and are always silent. As a matter of fact, I’ve farted twice since I’ve been here in your office, but you didn’t even notice."

"I can help you," says the doc. "Take these pills and come back next week."

The next week, the lady returns. "Doctor," she says, "I don’t know what you gave me, but now my farts reek."

The doctor says, "Good, we fixed your sinuses! Now let’s work on your hearing."

[The Instructor]

:lol: hoo-hoo!

Isn't that what the marines yell out?

[Manwithplan]

That is hilarious!!!

So is your sceen name.

[Manwithplan]

:lol: hoo-hoo!

Isn't that what the marines yell out?

Nope, that would be ohh raa

[Manwithplan]

He is doing good, ty. He called me at work today and said that it's pretty quite where he was at. It's always comforting to hear from him, either by phone or by computer. He did recieve the mags you sent and said to thank you for them.