Jokes Part ???

Post by **noreply66** » Tue Jan 01, 2008 12:00 pm

Thats good ^^^^

orange-n-brown 365 · Post by **orange-n-brown 365** » Wed Jan 02, 2008 7:43 pm

A woman's husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she had stayed by his bedside every single day.

One day, when he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer.

As she sat by him, he whispered, eyes full of tears, "You know what? "You have been with me all through the bad times. When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business failed, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you stayed right here. When my health started failing, you were still by my side...You know what?"

"What dear?" she gently asked, smiling as her heart began to fill with warmth.

"I think you're bad luck... so you need to get away from me...goodbye"

BubbleGumTiger · Post by **BubbleGumTiger** » Fri Jan 04, 2008 7:39 am

WHY MEN DON'T WRITE ADVICE COLUMNS

Dear Walter:
I hope you can help me here. The other day I set off for work
leaving my husband in the house watching the TV as usual. I hadn't
gone more than a mile down the road when my engine conked out and
the car shuddered to a halt. I walked back home to get my husband's
help. When I got home I couldn't believe my eyes. He was in the
bedroom with our neighbor making mad passionate love to her. I am
32, my husband is 34 and we have been married for twelve years.
When I confronted him, he broke down and admitted that he'd been having
an affair for the past six months. I told him to stop or I would
leave him. He was let go from his job six months ago and he says he
has been feeling increasingly depressed and worthless. I love him
very much, but ever since I gave him the ultimatum he has become
increasingly distant. I don't feel I can get through to him anymore.
Can you please help?
Sincerely,
Mrs.. Sheila XXXXXX

*Dear Sheila:*
*A car stalling after being driven a short distance can be caused by
a variety of faults with the engine. Start by checking that there is
no debris in the fuel line. If it is clear, check the jubilee clips
holding the vacuum pipes onto the inlet manifold. If none of these
approaches solves the problem, it could be that the fuel pump itself
is faulty, causing low delivery pressure to the carburetor float
chamber. *
*I hope this helps.*

LICKING COUNTY FAN · Post by **LICKING COUNTY FAN** » Fri Jan 04, 2008 8:18 am

One morning while making breakfast, a man walked up to his wife and pinched her on her butt and said, "You know if you firmed this up we could get rid of your girdle."
While this was on the edge of intolerable, she thought herself better and replied with silence.

The next morning the man woke his wife with a pinch on the breast and said, "You know if you firmed these up we could get rid of your bra."

This was beyond a silence response, so she rolled over and grabbed him by the penis. With a death grip in place she said, "You know if you firmed this up we could get rid of the postman, the gardener, the poolman and your brother."

LICKING COUNTY FAN · Post by **LICKING COUNTY FAN** » Fri Jan 04, 2008 8:20 am

The worried housewife sprang to the telephone when it rang and listened with relief to the kindly voice in her ear. "How are you, darling?" she said. "What kind of a day are you having?"

"Oh, mother," said the housewife, breaking into bitter tears, "I've had such a bad day. The baby won't eat and the washing machine broke down. I haven't had a chance to go shopping, and besides, I've just sprained my ankle and I have to hobble around. On top of that, the house is a mess and I'm supposed to have two couples to dinner tonight."

The mother was shocked and was at once all sympathy. "Oh, darling," she said, "sit down, relax, and close your eyes. I'll be over in half an hour. I'll do your shopping, clean up the house, and cook your dinner for you. I'll feed the baby and I'll call a repairman I know who'll be at your house to fix the washing machine promptly. Now stop crying. I'll do everything. In fact, I'll even call George at the office and tell him he ought to come home and help out for once."

"George?" said the housewife. "Who's George?"

"Why, George! Your husband!....Is this 223-1374?

"No, this is 223-1375."

"Oh, I'm sorry. I guess I have the wrong number."

There was a short pause and the housewife said, "Does this mean you're not coming over?"

valleyfan07 · Post by **valleyfan07** » Fri Jan 04, 2008 12:34 pm

newarkcatholicfan wrote:One morning while making breakfast, a man walked up to his wife and pinched her on her butt and said, "You know if you firmed this up we could get rid of your girdle."
While this was on the edge of intolerable, she thought herself better and replied with silence.

The next morning the man woke his wife with a pinch on the breast and said, "You know if you firmed these up we could get rid of your bra."

This was beyond a silence response, so she rolled over and grabbed him by the deck. With a death grip in place she said, "You know if you firmed this up we could get rid of the postman, the gardener, the poolman and your brother."

Too Funny!!!!!

valleyfan07 · Post by **valleyfan07** » Fri Jan 04, 2008 12:36 pm

What the heck?????????
:shock:

You should be banned for that

LICKING COUNTY FAN · Post by **LICKING COUNTY FAN** » Fri Jan 04, 2008 1:06 pm

valleyfan07 wrote:
oak hill71 wrote:HERES A GOOD ONE

What the heck?????????

You should be banned for that

If the poster who posted this is a guy then he just came out of the closet. If the poster who posted this is a female then we need some pics. :lol:

valleyfan07 · Post by **valleyfan07** » Fri Jan 04, 2008 1:09 pm

newarkcatholicfan wrote:
valleyfan07 wrote:
oak hill71 wrote:HERES A GOOD ONE

What the heck?????????

You should be banned for that
If the poster who posted this is a guy then he just came out of the closet. If the poster who posted this is a female then we need some pics.

But I don't think this is the place for coming out. I can't believe this is on here!!!

LICKING COUNTY FAN · Post by **LICKING COUNTY FAN** » Fri Jan 04, 2008 1:21 pm

valleyfan07 wrote:
newarkcatholicfan wrote:
valleyfan07 wrote:
oak hill71 wrote:HERES A GOOD ONE

/quote]I agree. I was just trying to turn something bad into something funny.

What the heck?????????

You should be banned for that
If the poster who posted this is a guy then he just came out of the closet. If the poster who posted this is a female then we need some pics.

But I don't think this is the place for coming out. I can't believe this is on here!!!

BigOrangeOne · Post by **BigOrangeOne** » Fri Jan 04, 2008 1:48 pm

valleyfan07 wrote:But I don't think this is the place for coming out. I can't believe this is on here!!!

It isn't any more.... Let me know if you see any more of such.... Thanks..

valleyfan07 · Post by **valleyfan07** » Fri Jan 04, 2008 2:13 pm

BigOrangeOne wrote:
valleyfan07 wrote:But I don't think this is the place for coming out. I can't believe this is on here!!!

It isn't any more.... Let me know if you see any more of such.... Thanks..

No Thank You!!!

oak hill71 · Post by **oak hill71** » Fri Jan 04, 2008 3:27 pm

Everyone I assure you it wasn't me that put that. Someone has gotten my password again, this isn't the first time this has happened.

If you look over at the Robot Sex thread you will also see a post that isn't anything like I would put.

Anyway I couldn't have typed those things because I am at school whenever those things were typed, and I don't log on my name at school out of fear of leaving it accidentally logged on.

And another thing is that most people on these forums alot will know I am never too racy with my posts and I use proper grammar.

So I apoligize for the posts, and I will change my password as well as my E-Mail address so hopefully no one will be able to find it. Hopefully I can find out who s doing it though, then I could put a stop to it altogether.

valleyfan07 · Post by **valleyfan07** » Fri Jan 04, 2008 3:32 pm

Just glad it wasn't your other self talking oakhill!!

Just teasing. Hope you get it fixed that was crazy!!

oak hill71 · Post by **oak hill71** » Fri Jan 04, 2008 3:36 pm

valleyfan07 wrote:Just glad it wasn't your other self talking oakhill!!

Just teasing. Hope you get it fixed that was crazy!!

Well this is the second time it happened, the other time it happened wasn't so bad because it was in the Pro Sports Forum and Tennis Forum, where there are less browsers.

I'm just glad I didn't get suspended for it.

valleyfan07 · Post by **valleyfan07** » Fri Jan 04, 2008 3:41 pm

Good Luck!!

BubbleGumTiger · Post by **BubbleGumTiger** » Fri Jan 04, 2008 10:53 pm

One evening a man was at home watching TV and eating peanuts. He'd toss them in the air, and then catch them in his mouth. In the middle of catching one, his wife asked him a question - and as he turned to answer her, a peanut fell in his ear. He tried and tried to dig it out but succeeded in only pushing it in deeper. He called his wife for assistance, and after hours of trying they became worried and decided to go to the hospital. As they were ready to go out the door, their daughter came home with her date. After being informed of the problem, their daughter's date said he could get the peanut out. The young man told the father to sit down, then proceeded to shove two fingers up the father's nose and told him to blow hard. When the father blew, the peanut flew out of his ear. ;The mother and daughter jumped and yelled for joy. The young man insisted that it was nothing. Once he was gone, the mother turned to the father and said, "That's so wonderful! Isn't he smart? What do you think he's going to be when he grows older?" The father replied, "From the smell of his fingers, our son in-law."

valleyfan07 · Post by **valleyfan07** » Sat Jan 05, 2008 2:38 pm

GGAllin wrote:What do you tell a woman with 2 black eyes?

Nothing, you already told her twice.

That sounds like some moronic thing you would say! :roll:

orange-n-brown 365 · Post by **orange-n-brown 365** » Sat Jan 05, 2008 4:20 pm

TigerTownTurkey wrote:One evening a man was at home watching TV and eating peanuts. He'd toss them in the air, and then catch them in his mouth. In the middle of catching one, his wife asked him a question - and as he turned to answer her, a peanut fell in his ear. He tried and tried to dig it out but succeeded in only pushing it in deeper. He called his wife for assistance, and after hours of trying they became worried and decided to go to the hospital. As they were ready to go out the door, their daughter came home with her date. After being informed of the problem, their daughter's date said he could get the peanut out. The young man told the father to sit down, then proceeded to shove two fingers up the father's nose and told him to blow hard. When the father blew, the peanut flew out of his ear. ;The mother and daughter jumped and yelled for joy. The young man insisted that it was nothing. Once he was gone, the mother turned to the father and said, "That's so wonderful! Isn't he smart? What do you think he's going to be when he grows older?" The father replied, "From the smell of his fingers, our son in-law."