Student Athlete Parents

[Out of Bounds]

This is a great article sent to me from a good coach.

The fine line of being a student-athlete's parent by Tim Warsinskey Friday August 29, 2008, 5:45 AM


For my first 21 years of covering high school sports, I came to
understand an unspoken language with high school varsity coaches when
they uttered one word:
"Parents."

It spoke gigabytes. I knew what the coach was thinking. We shared an
identical image from years on the high school scene: wackos in the
stands screaming at officials or stalking outside locker-room doors
ready to confront the coach.

Then I became one.

A parent. The guy in the stands with a kid in uniform. It didn't happen
overnight, of course. There were countless youth games played, thousands
of miles driven and untold drive-thrus visited from the time my son,
Ian, was 5 through his senior year at Mentor High. Hockey and baseball
were his sports. He became a two-sport starter and earned four varsity
letters before graduating in June.

He learned a lot, and of course, so did I.

Here are the 10 biggest lessons I learned from being a high school
sports parent:

No. 1. Have no expectations, for your child or the coach. If you go into
his or her freshman year thinking "This kid is going to be a star," you
have just set the bar too high.

Trophies won from ages 5 to 15 do not mean a thing. What he or she did
on the freshman and junior varsity teams is almost as unimportant. So
many kids who are young all-stars will fade away. Even among the
seemingly "sure bets" as sophomores, some will lose interest, quit, peak
early, become ineligible or get kicked off the team.

Conversely, for the little ones, puberty is like a magic bean. It takes
them to unexpected places. I'm 5-7. My wife is 5-foot-nothing. My son
grew to be 5-10 and a better athlete than either of us ever were
combined. It was an astonishing transformation, and you will be amazed
at the kids who weren't stars at early ages who stick with it and become
valuable varsity performers.

No. 2. Give your kid space. Let her enjoy her successful moments and
figure out how to deal with defeat, failure and disappointment. Don't
get too wrapped up in the wins and losses. Your job is to make sure your
child does not get too high after a win or too low after a loss.

No. 3. Try to have an objective view of your kid's ability and build on
his or her strengths. Don't tear him down by telling him what he did
wrong unless the child comes looking for constructive criticism. Most of
the time, the kid knows it better than you.

No. 4. Let your child make decisions that matter, with one caveat. When
he or she considers quitting -- and most high school athletes have that
moment -- make the child understand quitting is not the first option,
especially once the season has begun. Dealing with adversity and
persevering are important lessons.

No. 5. Grades really are the most important thing. The chances that he
or she will get a college sports scholarship are almost nil, and even if
the stars align and that happens, the kid still has to have good grades.


No. 6. Don't ignore injuries or signs of extreme mental and physical
fatigue. If he or she is hurting, find out what it is. Playing injured
can hurt the team and your kid's long-term health.

No. 7. Let your child fight his or her own battles with the coach,
especially with regard to the No. 1 complaint: playing time. Your kid
has to learn how to deal with adults. It's part of growing up. He or she
will have to confront professors and bosses, and this is a good place to
learn. If it's another issue and you find it necessary to get involved,
always wait a day to talk to the coach. Let your emotions subside and
think clearly about the point you want to make. If you suspect there is
hazing or abuse taking place, report it to the athletic director or
principal immediately.

No. 8. Support the team and be a good fan. Volunteer, and don't wait to
be asked. Attend booster club meetings. Get to know the other parents.
Make your own positive experience in the stands, no matter what is going
on below.

When you're at the game or event, cheer for everyone on your kid's team,
not just your own. Don't be the jerk in the stands, the one yelling at
the coach, your team, the other team, and mostly the officials. You are
embarrassing your school, your kid and yourself. If you don't have
anything good to say, sit down and shut up. If you're not enjoying
yourself, stay home. You won't be missed.

No. 9. Understand these are competitive sports. It's not Little League
where every kid gets to play. There's going to be disappointment,
heartache, unfairness and injuries. Unless it ends in a state
championship, it will end in defeat. Your kid is going to make mistakes.
The coach will yell at him or her. That's what they do. Let it happen.
He or she is not a baby anymore.

No. 10. Enjoy the ride. It will go by fast. Hug your child when it's
over.

[eagles73Taylor]

Out of bounds, I am now the AD at Piketon and have considered having mandatory parents meetings before each season, fall, winter and spring. If I do, I will use this article. I am also the parent of a 4 and 2 year old and will print this and keep it in my wallet. Thanks and people remember this would you! lol

[tigerdad]

VERY WELL SAID, ONCE THEY REACH THAT CERTAIN AGE, GOTTA LET THE KIDS CONTROL THE SITUATION, IF YOU COME DOWN HARD ON THE COACH"S YOU ARE ONLY MAKING IT A WORSE SITUATION, LET THE COACH'S DO THEIR JOB,

[Mouth's Better Half]

My husband always told me " the really special athletes will shine no matter what a coach says or does". I sometimes did not believe him but, he is right. #1, #5, and #7 are so important. My athletes could not speak to their coaches. My husband would tell me to leave it alone and it about drove me crazy, but I did. He was right. My athletes learned a lot from their time playing. They have learned to speak to adults in their own time. Me sticking my nose in would have done nothing.So I support , I feed, I help prepare, and if my kids want extra help in the off season we look for that, but a coach is in charge and they should make all the decisions. I am there to cheer and support! Excellent piece --- I will copy it.

[OZZIEOHIO]

All parent should have to read this and sign it when they sign there kids up.

[Out of Bounds]

When a parent breaks a coach down to there kid, the kid will never respect the coach. Even if you don't like the coach, he's your kids coach until season is over. He or She is who the board hired and he is gonna be there all year. And if it's playing time that is the gripe, which 90% of the time it is, then how does the player usually earn more playing time? Usually by hard work and practice. Well if you tear the coach down and the player no longer respects the coach, he probably isn't going to work hard and may develop an attitude, which only compounds the problem. The parent needs to support the coach in front of they're kids. Period. Quit second guessing everything he does in front of your kid. The best answer to give in my oppinion is "He's the Coach, and if you want to play you better do what he says". Work harder and earn that spot, because nothing in life is going to be given to you.

[JChipwood]

Great read!! I agree parents should have to sign this along with the waivers and other info required. I think not only i high school but at all age levels. I see this starting at a young age and the kids have learned lessons that they never forget. Often times they end up either not enjoying the sport later in life or quitting b/c of it. Parents should parent and let the coaches coach. Playing time should definitely be determined by practice situations which parents are not and should not be privvy to, period!

[seohhoops]

WOW. I am a coach myself and not a parent. But I had great parents, that sometimes went too far. Criticizing and what not. But I had to talk to my coaches always. But I got through it. I have not been moved alot be media, but this did. I am going to save this, and everytime a parent is lurking outside the lockeroom, upset about PT, or wants to be negative, I am going to give them a copy. WOW, thanks again!

[qualified101]

eagles,
its a ohsaa rule that you have parent/sportsmanship meetings for all sports. while i agree with most of the post, sometimes there are extenuating(sp) circumstances. remember, not all coach's are that willing to sit down and actually listen to a student, i believe that is why parents have to step in sometimes.

[panthermama]

I believe that last year the OHSAA meetings were voluntery and just to get the players and parents used to the idea. But aren't they manditory this year? I thought if you didn't have a parent show up and sign to show proof that they attended the player was ineligible for the fall season. I had to attend two last year. I think one a year should be plenty.

[alabama mike]

A very well written piece for parents of all athletes to read and follow. Problems are usually avoided when a coach will meet with the parents before the season and go over rules and expectations. I ran off several copies and gave to friends. Thanks for sharing out of bounds, I trust out of bounds 1 & 2 are well.

[mikepike]

There are alot of good parents out there. It's unfortunate that a few make it miserable for the rest. While my daughters aren't old enough to be 'stars', as long as they do their best when they play, I'm happy. They are going to make it in life, not because of outstanding athletic ability, but because their mother and I are teaching them the importance of education, hard work, and setting and achieving goals.

[JoeGatto]

Would it be rude for a new head coach coming into a program that has grown into one known for the parents running coaches out of town to print this article and give it to every parent?

[alabama mike]

Rope, I think it would be crazy for the coach not to run this piece off and give it to parents. Of course, he/she must be willing to stand up to the parents.

[Boonedawg]

Ok, what do you do when you see your schools football program making huge mistakes?

Not having the kids lift weights as a team, teaching techniques that are laughable and will get kids hurt. focusing more on new uniforms than the kids being in shape?

[ItownHosscat]

Ok, what do you do when you see your schools football program making huge mistakes?

Not having the kids lift weights as a team, teaching techniques that are laughable and will get kids hurt. focusing more on new uniforms than the kids being in shape?

Or other sports!

[ItownHosscat]

It is a nice read that I agree with for the most part though.

[the hit king]

praise the lord and i couldn't agree more. well read and well said. i know quite a few parents in the area that need to hearken to such great news !!!!! parents, read and learn from this article.

[Out of Bounds]

I don't think their should be any coach/parent confrontations immediately after a game. Win or lose. If you have something to say, go immediately to an administrator (one has to present) and schedule a meeting with the AD involved as well. Let's everybody have a little cool down period and usually the meeting will go much smoother and issues can get resolved. It also let's you go home and write down what you want to say, so in the heat of the moment you can make the best arguement for you cause. Plus it's behind closed doors and nobody makes an ass of themselves.

[Mighty Mighty Devils]

This article needs to be kept at the top of each Forum!!
Sometimes hard to live by but a Good thing to keep!!