Jokes Part ???

[bigtimehitter]

One evening a man was at home watching TV and eating peanuts. He'd toss them in the air, and then catch them in his mouth. In the middle of catching one, his wife asked him a question - and as he turned to answer her, a peanut fell in his ear. He tried and tried to dig it out but succeeded in only pushing it in deeper. He called his wife for assistance, and after hours of trying they became worried and decided to go to the hospital. As they were ready to go out the door, their daughter came home with her date. After being informed of the problem, their daughter's date said he could get the peanut out. The young man told the father to sit down, then proceeded to shove two fingers up the father's nose and told him to blow hard. When the father blew, the peanut flew out of his ear. ;The mother and daughter jumped and yelled for joy. The young man insisted that it was nothing. Once he was gone, the mother turned to the father and said, "That's so wonderful! Isn't he smart? What do you think he's going to be when he grows older?" The father replied, "From the smell of his fingers, our son in-law."

Ohmy God!! .

[LICKING COUNTY FAN]

One evening a man was at home watching TV and eating peanuts. He'd toss them in the air, and then catch them in his mouth. In the middle of catching one, his wife asked him a question - and as he turned to answer her, a peanut fell in his ear. He tried and tried to dig it out but succeeded in only pushing it in deeper. He called his wife for assistance, and after hours of trying they became worried and decided to go to the hospital. As they were ready to go out the door, their daughter came home with her date. After being informed of the problem, their daughter's date said he could get the peanut out. The young man told the father to sit down, then proceeded to shove two fingers up the father's nose and told him to blow hard. When the father blew, the peanut flew out of his ear. ;The mother and daughter jumped and yelled for joy. The young man insisted that it was nothing. Once he was gone, the mother turned to the father and said, "That's so wonderful! Isn't he smart? What do you think he's going to be when he grows older?" The father replied, "From the smell of his fingers, our son in-law."

[Manwithplan]

A really ugly, scuzzy chick walked into a drugstore and bought some rubbers. After the clerk rang up the sale, he asked,"Do you need a bag?"
"No," she replied, "but thank God for doggy-style, otherwise I'de still be a virgin."

[Rhiannon]

A wife tells her husband he is going to have to give up beer so they can save some money.

He finds out she bought make- up for $65.

He says why did I have to give up something and you wasted $65 on make-up?

The wife replies the make-up is to make me look good for you.

The husband replies that is what the beer was for.

[orange-n-brown 365]

A wife tells her husband he is going to have to give up beer so they can save some money.

He finds out she bought make- up for $65.

He says why did I have to give up something and you wasted $65 on make-up?

The wife replies the make-up is to make me look good for you.

The husband replies that is what the beer was for.

[LICKING COUNTY FAN]

A really ugly, scuzzy chick walked into a drugstore and bought some rubbers. After the clerk rang up the sale, he asked,"Do you need a bag?"
"No," she replied, "but thank God for doggy-style, otherwise I'de still be a virgin."

sTOP TALKING ABOUT MY MOM LIKE THAT(lol)

[orange-n-brown 365]

The Rabbit and the Blonde





A man is driving along a highway and sees a rabbit jump out across the middle of the road. He swerves to avoid hitting it, but unfortunately the rabbit jumps right in front of the car. The driver, a sensitive man as well as an animal lover, pulls over and gets out to see what has become of the rabbit. Much to his dismay, the rabbit is dead. The driver feels so awful that he begins to cry.

A beautiful blonde woman driving down the highway sees a man crying on the side of the road and pulls over. She steps out of the car and asks the man what's wrong.

"I feel terrible," ! he explains, "I accidentally hit this rabbit and killed it."

The blonde says, "Don't worry." runs to her car and pulls out a spray can. She walks over to the limp, dead rabbit, bends down, and sprays the contents onto the rabbit. The rabbit jumps up, waves its paw at the two of them and hops off down the road. Ten feet away the rabbit stops, turns around and waves again, he hops down the road another 10 feet, turns and waves, hops another ten feet, turns and waves, and repeats this again and again and again, until he hops out of sight.

The man is astonished. He runs over to the woman and demands, "What is in that can? What did you spray on that rabbit?"

The woman turns the can around so that the man can read the label.

It says..

(Are you ready for this?)

(Are you sure?)

(This is bad!)

(It's definitely a Blonde Joke!)

(You know you could just click off and not read the punch line....)

(You can still delete it)

(You know you're gonna be sorry)

(Last chance)

(OK, here it is)

It says,

"Hair Spray - Restores life to dead hair, and adds permanent wave."

[Baby Duck]

A little boy was sitting in his class room, and the teacher noticed he was squirming in his chair and was scratching at his private area. The teacher goes back and ask him what was wrong. He said I just got circumsized the teacher said all my you need to go down to the office and call your mom. The little boy comes back and sits down and all the kids are laughing so the teacher goes back to see what was going on, and the little boy was sitting their with his little thing out. The teacher said all my you can't sit their like that. The little boy said my mom told me to stick it out until she got here at lunch.

[Rhiannon]

A 5-year-old boy went to visit his grandmother one day. Playing with
his
toys in her bedroom while grandma was dusting, he looked up and said,
"Grandma, how come you don't have a boyfriend now that grandpa went to

heaven?"

Grandma replied, "Honey, my TV is my boyfriend. I can sit in my
bedroom
and watch it all day long. The religious programs make me feel good and

the comedies make me laugh. I'm happy with my TV as my boyfriend."

Grandma turned on the TV, and the reception was terrible. She started
adjusting the knobs, trying to get the picture in focus. Frustrated,
she
started hitting the backside of the TV hoping to fix the problem.

The little boy heard the doorbell ring, so he hurried to open the door

and there stood Grandma's minister. The minister said, "Hello son, is
your Grandma home?"

The little boy replied, "Yeah, she's in the bedroom banging' her
boyfriend."

The minister fainted.

[mstangmom]

So this blond took her new dress in to the cleaners.
she handed to the clerk, and he handed her the ticket and she proceeded to leave.

the clerk looks up and says thank you, come again

the blond turns and replies No it's mustard

[mstangmom]

I was out walking with my 4 year old daughter.
She picked up something off the ground and started
to put it in her mouth. I took the item away from her
and I asked her not to do that.
'Why?' my daughter asked. 'Because it's been on
the ground, you don't know where it's been, it's
dirty, and probably has germs' I replied.
At this point, my daughter looked at me with
total admiration and asked, 'Momma, how do you know
all this stuff, you are so smart.'
I was thinking quickly. 'All moms know this stuff.
It's on the Mom Test. You have to know it, or
they don't let you be a M om.'
We walked along in silence for 2 or 3 minutes,
but she was evidently pondering this new information.'OH...I get it!' she beamed,' So if you don't pass the test you have to be
the Dad.
''Exactly' I replied back with a big smile on my
face.

[Orange and Brown]

^^^^^
HA HA HA