A house wife meets a single man in a bar. They talk; they connect; they end up leaving together.
They get back to his place, and as he shows her around his apartment, she notices that one wall of his bedroom is completely filled with soft, sweet, cuddly teddy bears.
There are three shelves in the bedroom, with hundreds and hundreds of cute, cuddly teddy bears carefully placed in rows, covering the entire wall!
It was obvious that he had taken quite some time to lovingly arrange them and she was immediately touched by the amount of thought he had put into organizing the display.
There were small bears all along the bottom shelf, medium-sized bears covering the length of the middle shelf, and huge, enormous bears running all the way along the top shelf. She found it strange for an obviously masculine guy to have such a large collection of Teddy Bears.
She is quite impressed by his sensitive side but doesn't mention this to him. They share a bottle of wine and continue talking and, after awhile, she finds herself thinking, 'Oh my God! Maybe, this guy could be the one! Maybe he could be the future father of my children?'
She turns to him and kisses him lightly on the lips. He responds warmly.
They continue to kiss, the passion builds, and he romantically lifts her in his arms and carries her into his bedroom where they rip off each other's clothes and make hot, steamy love.
She is so overwhelmed that she responds with more passion, more creativity, more heat than she has ever known.
After an intense, explosive night of raw passion with this sensitive guy, they are lying there together in the afterglow. The woman rolls over, gently strokes his chest and asks coyly, 'Well, how was it?'
Tae gently smiles at her, strokes her cheek, looks deeply into her eyes, and says:
'Help yourself to any prize from the middle shelf'
Clean Joke
-
LICKING COUNTY FAN
- SEOPS Hippo
- Posts: 45533
- Joined: Sun Oct 16, 2005 12:05 am
- Location: Buckeye Lake, Ohio
- Contact:
-
BubbleGumTiger
- SEOPS Hippo
- Posts: 104408
- Joined: Thu Nov 11, 2004 6:47 am
Re: Clean Joke
The Bible explained by kids
the beginning, which occurred near the start, there
was nothing but God, darkness, and some gas. The
Bible says, 'The Lord thy God is one,' but I think He
must be a lot older than that. Anyway, God said,
'Give me a light!' and someone did. Then God made the
world. He split the Adam and made Eve.
Adam and Eve were naked, but they weren't embarrassed
because mirrors hadn't been invented yet. Adam and
Eve disobeyed God by eating one bad apple, so they
were driven from the Garden of Even. Not sure what
they were driven in though, because they didn't have
cars.
Adam and Eve had a son, Cain, who hated his brother as
long as he was Abel. Pretty soon all of the early
people died off, except for Methuselah, who lived to
be like a million or something. One of the next
important people was Noah, who was a good guy, but one
of his kids was kind of a ham. Noah built a large
boat and put his family and some animals on it. He
asked some other people to join him, but they said
they would have to take a rain check.
After Noah came Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. Jacob was
more famous than his brother, Esau, because Esau sold
Jacob his birthmark in exchange for some pot roast.
Jacob had a son named Joseph who wore a really loud
sports coat.
Another important Bible guy is Moses, whose real name
was Charlton Heston. Moses led the Israel Lights out
of Egypt and away from the evil Pharaoh after God sent
ten plagues on Pharaoh's people. These plagues
included frogs, mice, lice, bowels, and no cable. God
fed the Israel Lights every day with manicotti. Then
He gave them His top ten commandments. These include
don't lie, cheat, smoke, dance, or covet your
neighbor's bottom (the Bible uses a bad word for
bottom that I'm not supposed to say. But my Dad uses
it sometimes when he talks about politicians.) Oh,
yeah, I just thought of one more: Humor thy father and
thy mother.
One of Moses' best helpers was Joshua, who was the
first Bible guy to use spies. Joshua fought the
battle of Geritol and the fence fell over on the town.
After Joshua came David. He got to be king by
killing a giant with a slingshot. He had a son named
Solomon who had about 300 wives and 500
porcupines. My teacher says he was wise, but that
doesn't sound very wise to me.
After Solomon there were a bunch of major league
prophets. One of these was Jonah, who was swallowed
by a big whale and then barfed up on the shore. There
were also some minor league prophets, but I guess we
don't have to worry about them.
After the Old Testament came the New Testament. Jesus
is the star of the New Testament. He was born in
Bethlehem in a barn. (I wish I had been born in a
barn, too, because my mom is always saying to me,
Close the door! Were you born in a barn?' It would be
nice to say, 'As a matter of fact, I was.')
During His life, Jesus had many arguments with sinners
like the Pharisees and the Republicans. Jesus also had
twelve opossums. The worst one was Judas Asparagus.
Judas was so evil that they named a terrible vegetable
after him.
Jesus was a great man. He healed many leopards and
even preached to some Germans on the Mount. But the
Re publicans and all those guys put Jesus on trial
before Pontius the Pilot. Pilot didn't stick up for
Jesus. He just washed his hands instead.
Anyways, Jesus died for our sins, then came back to
life again. He went up to Heaven, but will be back at
the end of the Aluminum. His return is foretold in
the book of Revolution.
There! Now you understand.
the beginning, which occurred near the start, there
was nothing but God, darkness, and some gas. The
Bible says, 'The Lord thy God is one,' but I think He
must be a lot older than that. Anyway, God said,
'Give me a light!' and someone did. Then God made the
world. He split the Adam and made Eve.
Adam and Eve were naked, but they weren't embarrassed
because mirrors hadn't been invented yet. Adam and
Eve disobeyed God by eating one bad apple, so they
were driven from the Garden of Even. Not sure what
they were driven in though, because they didn't have
cars.
Adam and Eve had a son, Cain, who hated his brother as
long as he was Abel. Pretty soon all of the early
people died off, except for Methuselah, who lived to
be like a million or something. One of the next
important people was Noah, who was a good guy, but one
of his kids was kind of a ham. Noah built a large
boat and put his family and some animals on it. He
asked some other people to join him, but they said
they would have to take a rain check.
After Noah came Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. Jacob was
more famous than his brother, Esau, because Esau sold
Jacob his birthmark in exchange for some pot roast.
Jacob had a son named Joseph who wore a really loud
sports coat.
Another important Bible guy is Moses, whose real name
was Charlton Heston. Moses led the Israel Lights out
of Egypt and away from the evil Pharaoh after God sent
ten plagues on Pharaoh's people. These plagues
included frogs, mice, lice, bowels, and no cable. God
fed the Israel Lights every day with manicotti. Then
He gave them His top ten commandments. These include
don't lie, cheat, smoke, dance, or covet your
neighbor's bottom (the Bible uses a bad word for
bottom that I'm not supposed to say. But my Dad uses
it sometimes when he talks about politicians.) Oh,
yeah, I just thought of one more: Humor thy father and
thy mother.
One of Moses' best helpers was Joshua, who was the
first Bible guy to use spies. Joshua fought the
battle of Geritol and the fence fell over on the town.
After Joshua came David. He got to be king by
killing a giant with a slingshot. He had a son named
Solomon who had about 300 wives and 500
porcupines. My teacher says he was wise, but that
doesn't sound very wise to me.
After Solomon there were a bunch of major league
prophets. One of these was Jonah, who was swallowed
by a big whale and then barfed up on the shore. There
were also some minor league prophets, but I guess we
don't have to worry about them.
After the Old Testament came the New Testament. Jesus
is the star of the New Testament. He was born in
Bethlehem in a barn. (I wish I had been born in a
barn, too, because my mom is always saying to me,
Close the door! Were you born in a barn?' It would be
nice to say, 'As a matter of fact, I was.')
During His life, Jesus had many arguments with sinners
like the Pharisees and the Republicans. Jesus also had
twelve opossums. The worst one was Judas Asparagus.
Judas was so evil that they named a terrible vegetable
after him.
Jesus was a great man. He healed many leopards and
even preached to some Germans on the Mount. But the
Re publicans and all those guys put Jesus on trial
before Pontius the Pilot. Pilot didn't stick up for
Jesus. He just washed his hands instead.
Anyways, Jesus died for our sins, then came back to
life again. He went up to Heaven, but will be back at
the end of the Aluminum. His return is foretold in
the book of Revolution.
There! Now you understand.
-
BubbleGumTiger
- SEOPS Hippo
- Posts: 104408
- Joined: Thu Nov 11, 2004 6:47 am
Re: Clean Joke
9 WORDS WOMEN USE
(1) Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.
(2) Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.
(3) Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.
(4) Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!
(5) Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to # 3 for the meaning of nothing.)
(6) That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.
(7) Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or Faint. Just say you're welcome. (I want to add in a clause here - This is true, unless she says 'Thanks a lot' - that is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all. DO NOT say 'you're welcome' ... that will bring on a 'whatever').
(8) Whatever: Is a women's way of saying *beep* YOU!
(9) Don't worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking 'What's wrong?' For the woman's response refer to # 3.
(1) Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.
(2) Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.
(3) Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.
(4) Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!
(5) Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to # 3 for the meaning of nothing.)
(6) That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.
(7) Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or Faint. Just say you're welcome. (I want to add in a clause here - This is true, unless she says 'Thanks a lot' - that is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all. DO NOT say 'you're welcome' ... that will bring on a 'whatever').
(8) Whatever: Is a women's way of saying *beep* YOU!
(9) Don't worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking 'What's wrong?' For the woman's response refer to # 3.