Student Athlete's Parents

[Out of Bounds]

This is a great article sent to me from a good coach.


The fine line of being a student-athlete's parent by Tim Warsinskey Friday August 29, 2008, 5:45 AM


For my first 21 years of covering high school sports, I came to
understand an unspoken language with high school varsity coaches when
they uttered one word:
"Parents."

It spoke gigabytes. I knew what the coach was thinking. We shared an
identical image from years on the high school scene: wackos in the
stands screaming at officials or stalking outside locker-room doors
ready to confront the coach.

Then I became one.

A parent. The guy in the stands with a kid in uniform. It didn't happen
overnight, of course. There were countless youth games played, thousands
of miles driven and untold drive-thrus visited from the time my son,
Ian, was 5 through his senior year at Mentor High. Hockey and baseball
were his sports. He became a two-sport starter and earned four varsity
letters before graduating in June.

He learned a lot, and of course, so did I.

Here are the 10 biggest lessons I learned from being a high school
sports parent:

No. 1. Have no expectations, for your child or the coach. If you go into
his or her freshman year thinking "This kid is going to be a star," you
have just set the bar too high.

Trophies won from ages 5 to 15 do not mean a thing. What he or she did
on the freshman and junior varsity teams is almost as unimportant. So
many kids who are young all-stars will fade away. Even among the
seemingly "sure bets" as sophomores, some will lose interest, quit, peak
early, become ineligible or get kicked off the team.

Conversely, for the little ones, puberty is like a magic bean. It takes
them to unexpected places. I'm 5-7. My wife is 5-foot-nothing. My son
grew to be 5-10 and a better athlete than either of us ever were
combined. It was an astonishing transformation, and you will be amazed
at the kids who weren't stars at early ages who stick with it and become
valuable varsity performers.

No. 2. Give your kid space. Let her enjoy her successful moments and
figure out how to deal with defeat, failure and disappointment. Don't
get too wrapped up in the wins and losses. Your job is to make sure your
child does not get too high after a win or too low after a loss.

No. 3. Try to have an objective view of your kid's ability and build on
his or her strengths. Don't tear him down by telling him what he did
wrong unless the child comes looking for constructive criticism. Most of
the time, the kid knows it better than you.

No. 4. Let your child make decisions that matter, with one caveat. When
he or she considers quitting -- and most high school athletes have that
moment -- make the child understand quitting is not the first option,
especially once the season has begun. Dealing with adversity and
persevering are important lessons.

No. 5. Grades really are the most important thing. The chances that he
or she will get a college sports scholarship are almost nil, and even if
the stars align and that happens, the kid still has to have good grades.


No. 6. Don't ignore injuries or signs of extreme mental and physical
fatigue. If he or she is hurting, find out what it is. Playing injured
can hurt the team and your kid's long-term health.

No. 7. Let your child fight his or her own battles with the coach,
especially with regard to the No. 1 complaint: playing time. Your kid
has to learn how to deal with adults. It's part of growing up. He or she
will have to confront professors and bosses, and this is a good place to
learn. If it's another issue and you find it necessary to get involved,
always wait a day to talk to the coach. Let your emotions subside and
think clearly about the point you want to make. If you suspect there is
hazing or abuse taking place, report it to the athletic director or
principal immediately.

No. 8. Support the team and be a good fan. Volunteer, and don't wait to
be asked. Attend booster club meetings. Get to know the other parents.
Make your own positive experience in the stands, no matter what is going
on below.

When you're at the game or event, cheer for everyone on your kid's team,
not just your own. Don't be the jerk in the stands, the one yelling at
the coach, your team, the other team, and mostly the officials. You are
embarrassing your school, your kid and yourself. If you don't have
anything good to say, sit down and shut up. If you're not enjoying
yourself, stay home. You won't be missed.

No. 9. Understand these are competitive sports. It's not Little League
where every kid gets to play. There's going to be disappointment,
heartache, unfairness and injuries. Unless it ends in a state
championship, it will end in defeat. Your kid is going to make mistakes.
The coach will yell at him or her. That's what they do. Let it happen.
He or she is not a baby anymore.

No. 10. Enjoy the ride. It will go by fast. Hug your child when it's
over.

[cat&mousebball]

Excellent words.It hits home....

[bettis]

Great post. I will have this available to all my parents. THE KIDS COME FIRST!

[Judge Smales]

Very nice!

[fasteach]

please allow me to give you some rules for coaching;
1. it is not all about winning or winning big. every kid on the team wants to play. if they did not they would have quit long ago. there is time in every game when even the most untalented kid can play. their parents have hopes also! no game needs to be won by 25+ winning by 1 is still a win.

2. sportsmanship extends to the kids and the parents. if you do not have the social skills to talk, and more importantly, listen to a parent, you are in the wrong job.

3. kids can be intimidated, but parents cannot. too many coaches try to bully parents by not playing their kids or worse. kids have been singled out by coaches as "whipping boys" because a coach knows the parents won't fight back.

4. Coaches set the example for the parents. a coach who screams at the officials, kids, and other coaches should not object when HE gets screamed at.

5. loyalty goes both ways. if you want it show it. kids learn to be selfish from mom and dad. they also learn it from the coach.

[Out of Bounds]

fasteach, you have some valid points, but I must disagree to a point. On the lower levels I agree with it is not about winning. It's about teaching. Not just the game either...sportsmanship, team work, hard work and so on. But on the Varsity level and higher it is about winning. And there are not opportunities to play every kid in every game. I was told this by one of the coaches I respect as much as anybody I have been around in the game. Jr. High, Freshman and JV coaches have no pressure to win. If you are working hard and teaching and the kids are developing, you usually can coach as long as you like on those levels. But Varsity is completly different! The Varsity position is the only position in High School sports that is evaluated by wins and losses. You go 3 years winning 5 games a year, and you won't be around long. No matter how good and fair you are. So, 99% of the time, the best playes will be on the floor that gives the team the best chance to win.

It's just like life and jobs. The hard working talented people usually move up. Is it fair to the best players and most talented, and who are in practice just like the 7 thru 10 players to sit the bench and lose? He has blood, sweat and pain invested too.

[BOBBY]

Fasteach,

I agree with the part about the coach setting an example. Too many coaches are yelling at officials and getting their fans fired up on things that they cannot even see. Most fans do not start their outbursts until the coach does.

On several of your other points, I do not agree so much:
1.Every kid may not get into every single game. This is a fact of life. Sometimes you have to be a supporter, not a star. By the way there are many more supporters than stars in life. However, I do agree that a team does not have to beat people by 25+ points. In those cases the bench players should definately see playing time.
2. Listening to some one and being yelled at are two different things. I believe the person writing the initial statement asked parents to take a day to cool off before DISCUSSING the problem with the coach.
3. MOST coaches are in this profession for the kids. There are exceptions as there is to any rule. The fact is a coach is not out to screw any one over.(I know some of you will go nuts over this statement, but it is true!) The people who don't agree with this statement need to read the post that started this thread and see if you, as a parent, live up to the 10 things.

[opie7]

Great Forums. All of you made good points. I just wish parents would read these.

I've coached for 15 years and officiated at various levels and I can't stand nothing more than a parent, jumping your case about playing time, yelling in the stands, and coaches yelling just to be heard, knowing that they're wrong about the call.

Amen !

[fasteach]

bobby and out of bounds i am 100% on board. i just believe that during "trash time" at the end of a game or a 1/2 any kid kid can be in and not do any harm.
i also believe coachs have a thankless job. i was one, not on a varsity level, but my teams had a good time and we won. i like to believe that too many coaches do not take chemistry in college. you can hurt a kid soo bad by labeling him a pinerider, he may never play again. i firmly believe if a kid sticks all the way thru suicides, 2hr practices a night for 2 months, and running the bleachers he should play at least some.

[claypantherfan]

I like it

[TAR HEEL FAN44]

Great Post...I am going to copy this and pass it out to my kids and parents.

[BOBBY]

fasteach,

I agree 100% as I posted that the kids at the end of the bench should get time every chance the coach can get them in. I only said that may not be every single game. Otherwise I agree completely.

Let the kids play

[Out of Bounds]

fasteach, I'm not saying all kids shouldn't play....but there is a contradiction here. I am mostly talking about Varsity here, but if you don't want to win by 25, then where do the playes at the end of the bench get in? You don't have to run the score up to get to a 25 point lead as long as you call the press off and work the ball for good shots. But as I said in my last post, you have to secure the win. What's worse, up by 25 and put reserves in and blowing it, or winning by 25. Wins and losses are how everything is graded on the varsity level, and in a way life as well.

[fasteach]

as i said out of bounds i am 100% with you. it is just if you are ahead or even behind by a deciding margin then in the "trash time" that almost every game has how about rotating the whole team into the game.
i was always told Together
Everyone
Achieves
More
everyone is everyone. i would not want a player or a parent who did not want to play. fun is playing, not watching.

[Sprint_Girl]

agree

[SErunner]

Great Article..
I enjoyed it.

Another great writing is
"The Sports God" by George Sheehan.
It explains how sports are both the most important
and least important part of our lives.

If I find it on the web I will post it.