Oak Hill Oaks Golf Scramble

[BLUEDEVILS]

The Oak Hill Oaks will be holding their 2nd annual golf scramble on May 18th at Franklin Valley Golf Course, located between Oak Hill and Jackson. Cost will be $200 for a 4 man team, which includes green fees, cart, food, and refreshments. There will also be a drawing for door prizes. The scramble will begin at 8:00 a.m. You must be pre-registered to participate. You may register by calling Coach Persin at 682-7055, or by e-mailing Coach Slone at james.slone@oakhill.k12.oh.us
Deadline to register will be May 15th.

[Judge Smales]

Will coach Slone be counting all of his strokes this year or not? I also hear he is bringing in some ringer named Dwight.

God help us all!

[BLUEDEVILS]

Hey Judge, I won't be golfing this year either. However, I am hoping to coach a team. I am hoping to get Dwight, Rick, and Jack, and looking for a 4th. Could you possibly be the man?

[Judge Smales]

I would be interested! However, on that team I could be considered a ringer!

[MightyOaksFan]

Hey Judge, I won't be golfing this year either. However, I am hoping to coach a team. I am hoping to get Dwight, Rick, and Jack, and looking for a 4th. Could you possibly be the man?

I am saying hole 2 or stroke 10 on the first hole is as far as that foursome will get, Then it's back to the clubhouse.

[jackson1]

Don't be surprised to see Bluedevil fishing in the pond along hole #3. Guess we will be eating fish after the scramble?!?!?!

[BLUEDEVILS]

That fish fry afterwards sound like a great idea.

[Raiderball]

Wouldn't want to eat any fish out of those ponds!

[Ty Webb]

Wouldn't want to eat any fish out of those ponds!

Me neither. Usually by the time a get to hole three, I've had several "soda pops" and have been known to relieve myself there. You all enjoy your fish.

Will Coach Persin be playing in this scramble? Smales said that he isn't that good and that even he could beat him.

[Judge Smales]

Wouldn't want to eat any fish out of those ponds!

Me neither. Usually by the time a get to hole three, I've had several "soda pops" and have been known to relieve myself there. You all enjoy your fish.

Will Coach Persin be playing in this scramble? Smales said that he isn't that good and that even he could beat him.

Wow Webb! That's why all of those Carp look like they are on steroids!

Persin's team won the whole thing last year! Coincedence?

This is gonna be fun! Dwight golfing, Blue Devils fishing, and Webb peeing in the lake!
I hope I have a ringside seat!

[BLUEDEVILS]

Coach Persin will also be selling a book he recently wrote about golf. Here is a preview of the chapters. Introduction to the book was written by that Dee-wight fella.

Ch. 1 How to properly line up your fourth putt
Ch. 2 How to hit a Nike from the rough, when you hit a Titleist off the tee
Ch. 3 How to avoid the water when you lie 8 in a bunker
Ch. 4 How to get more distance off the shank
Ch. 5 When to give the ranger the finger
Ch. 6 Using your shadow on the greens to maximize winnings
Ch. 7 When to implement handicap management
Ch. 8 Proper excuses for drinking beer before 9:00 am
Ch. 9 How to rationalize a 6 hour round
Ch. 10 When does a divot become classified as a sod
Ch. 11 How to find the ball you hit that everyone else saw go in the water
Ch. 12 Why your spouse doesn't care that you birdied the 5th hole
Ch. 13 Using curse words creatively to control ball flight
Ch. 14 When to let a foursome play through your twosome
Ch. 15 How to relax when hitting 5 off the tee
Ch. 16 When to suggest major swing corrections to your opponent
Ch. 17 God and the meaning of the birdie-to-bogey 3 putt
Ch. 18 When to regrip your ball retriever
Ch. 19 Throwing your clubs: An effective stress reduction technique
Ch. 20 Why male golfers will pay $5 a beer from the good looking cart girl and tip her $3, but complain about the $2.25 a beer back at the clubhouse

[Judge Smales]

Blue Devils, please put me down for a copy!
This could be a real literary masterpiece!

One thing however, what happened to the chapter titled "Out of the Red Brush, in the Red Brush, and back out of the Red Brush (Darn it Jack, Darn it Rick give me another orange golf ball!)

[Futurebkstar]

I heard he also needs a club retriever!!!!

[Trooper]

This scramble is on a Sunday?

[Ty Webb]

I am hoping to get Dwight, Rick, and Jack, and looking for a 4th.

Maybe you'd be bit more successful in luring this Dwight fellow if you had Giovanni's cater the tournament. If the Oak Hill coaching staff doesn't have the clout for catering, Dwight will no doubt leave early to pickup his order.

Me, Smales, Mr. Crabs, and some other degenerate will make up a team that will probably have no problem beating Coach Persin's team....unless he cheats.

I'm really looking forward to finally talking to Coach Persin and Coach Slone. Slone thinks my name is "sir", which waaay off base. And despite having about twenty-five phone conversations with Coach Persin, I don't think he even knows my name.

[Raiderball]

Who won this tournament last year?

[Ty Webb]

Who won this tournament last year?

I don't know their last names, but I think it was guys named Dwight, Jack, Rick, and Joe.

[Judge Smales]

Breaking news!! This just in from sources from inside of Oak Hill High School...........After an extensive investigation into from what will be known hereafter as "Dooooowight Gate" The anchor of the Oak Hill Oaks Golf Scramble champion golf team, Dwight, has apparently gained 30 pounds. This news comes on the heals of a routine pre-golf medical examination earlier today. Sources close to the situation say Dwight may be tested for HGH, Creatine, the Clear Rub, and for unusually high levels of barley and hops as well as grease residue from Giovanni’s pizza. Golf Scramble officials released a statement earlier today stating "After this sad turn of events we have no choice but to test Dwight for these banned substances. It is our duty to uphold the standard of this prestigious outing that fellow golfers from all over Southern, Ohio have become accustomed to. Furthermore, we have at this time decided to cancel the catering from Giovanni’s pizza and will be instead serving salad. It is also unfortunate that we will be forced to make Dwight ride in a special reinforced golf cart with a special suspension. We are clearly stunned by this turn of events and on the advice of our council we have no further comment." Franklin Valley Golf course officials say it has been quite some time since they have had to roll out the golf cart known as "Big Bertha" and there may be some maintenance issues that would prevent the use of "Big Bertha" for this upcoming event. When pressed about the use of "Big Bertha", course officials say in a worst case scenario that Dwight's team may be forced to ride horses. Our sources have contacted Dwight who has no comment at this time do to supper. We have a news team on the way to the Red Brush at this hour. Details remain sketchy; keep it here for more on this breaking story. As updates become available we will of course keep you abreast. This has been a breaking news update...more on this story at 11:00

[BLUEDEVILS]

Very sorry to hear about Dwights medical condition. I sure hope he gets everything worked out by the 18th.

Also, there are 30 teams registered for the scramble. There will be no more teams registered, unless there is a cancellation. I look forward to seeing everybody this Sunday at the course, especially this Dwight fellow and Judge Smales. I think the Judge may need some security.

[Judge Smales]

Breaking News Update! This just in to the Oak Hill High School news room.....Officials close to the "Dooooooooowight Gate" situation are reporting that the results of the testing for banned substances have been received this afternoon. Tournament officials say that they are relieved that Dwight has tested negative for HGH, Creatine, and the Clear Rub. However, tournament physicians are confirming that Dwight did test positive for unusually high levels of barley and hops as well as Giovanni’s Pizza grease residue. Tournament officials had this comment..."Although we are relieved that Dwight has tested negative for the more serious of these banned substances we are still saddened by the sudden growth spurt he has obviously experienced. We clearly do not condone the abuse use of barley and hops and Giovanni’s Pizza grease found in this great golfer's system. As many of you know Dwight is looked up to by many of the youngsters in our area and we hope this will serve as a wake up call for him. This years tournament will undoubtedly be played under a cloud of suspicion." Sources from near the Red Brush are reporting that those representing Dwight made this statement.."At no time did Dwight claim to be a role model for our area youth. He has never wanted to be the Mac Daddy, Tiger Woods or Brian Howell that so many of you have tried to make him out to be! If you want a real role model let Walt give your kids guitar lessons! Furthermore, we continue to deny these allegations! In closing we would like to say go pick on Barry Bonds!" When asked where Dwight could be reached for a comment on his own behalf, representatives say after this mornings announcement he has boarded Red Brush One for an undisclosed location and will be unavailable until shortly before tee off time Sunday. When the news broke this morning former New York Yankees trainer Brian McNamee says "If Dwight wants to continue to deny these allegations, I will be forced to play hardball! I personally injected him in the buttocks on two different occasions with Giovanni’s Pizza grease residue. I will bring him down just like Clemmons!" Officials in Washington DC say that Congressional Hearings are sure to follow. This latest bombshell comes on the eve of one of the most anticipated Oak Hill Oaks golf outings in recent history. As more details become available we will continue to keep you updated. For the latest tune in to the O'reilly Factor tonight at 8 p.m. eastern on the Fox News Channel. Bill's topic tonight will be "Dwight....America's role model or over weight mountain man?" This has been an Oak Hill Oaks golf tournament breaking news update......